Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding.

When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.

I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.

The best plan now is to have as many bosses as possible. I call it boss diversity. If you work for a company and you have one boss and that boss doesn't like you or wants to get rid of you, you're in trouble. But if you work for yourself, you have lots of bosses, who are your customers, and if a few of them decide they don't like you, that's okay.

I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.

Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding.

Dilbert: It took weeks but I've calculated a new theory about the origin of the universe. According to my calculations it didn't start with a "Big Bang" at all-it was more of "Phhbwt" sound. You may be wondering about the practical applications of the "Little Phhbwt" theory. Dogbert: I was wondering when you'll go away.