Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding.

The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy.' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be that stabbin Dilbert guy.

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.

Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier.

Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.

Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.

If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.