In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.

In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.

I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.

I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.