The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy.' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be that stabbin Dilbert guy.

Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.

Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.

He changed more times than a baby in a beer-drinking contest.

Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.

In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.