The computer cuts my production time in half. I love it.

The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.

For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.

He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.

There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.

Reporters are faced with the daily choice of painstakingly researching stories or writing whatever people tell them. Both approaches pay the same.

There's a fine line between participation and mockery.