There’s nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms.

I'm slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can't motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles.

I should have written that down. - Dilbert

For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.

When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.

I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.

The Dilbert Principle: People are idiots.