Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first.

I can't bring myself to believe in a God with a personality like my own. I base that on the paucity of lightning attacks on people who deserve it.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.

If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.

My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it right.

A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.