I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message.

The ability to work hard and make sacrifices comes naturally to those who know exactly what they want.

Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.

The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.

He was tenser than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day.