Lately, the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor.

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it.

No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.

Recently I quit caffeine. My doctor seems to think that 17 Diet Cokes per day is too much. In case you ever consider getting off caffeine yourself, let me explain the process. You begin by sitting motionlessly in a desk chair. Then you just keep doing that forever because life has no meaning.

As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.

The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction, I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation.