In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die'.

People are idiots. Including me. Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with the low SAT scores. The only difference is that we're idiots about different things at different times. No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.

A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.

Failure is where success likes to hide in plain sight.

If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.

Mockery is an important social tool for squelching stupidity. I’ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I’ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

I calculated the total time that humans have waited for web pages to load. It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age. Sometimes I think the web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society.