In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die'.

Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more.

I'm slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can't motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles.

Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.

As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.

Good advertising can make people buy your product even if it sucks ... A dollar spent on brainwashing is more cost-effective than a dollar spent on product improvement.

I rank money higher than social life or meaning because once you have money, those other things are easier to get. For example, you won't have much of a social life if you can't afford to do anything. And you can't make money if your health is a mess.