In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die'.

God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.

Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries they assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality ?

The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction, I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation.