As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.

Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabulary are your brain's limits, not the universe's.

Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.

Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write a sentence. The advantage of this method is that you end up with something for which you will not be personally blamed.

Recently I quit caffeine. My doctor seems to think that 17 Diet Cokes per day is too much. In case you ever consider getting off caffeine yourself, let me explain the process. You begin by sitting motionlessly in a desk chair. Then you just keep doing that forever because life has no meaning.

Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.

If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.