Sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.

Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing.

I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.

I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff.

There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.