Sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.

No matter how many times I visit New York City, I am always struck by the same thing - a yellow taxicab.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Ratbert (as lab rat, to scientist): Doc, we have to talk. Every day you feed me over a hundred pounds of macaroni and cheese. At first I thought you were just being a good host. But lately I've been thinking it could be something far more sinister.

Everyone says there's a lack of leadership in the world these days. I think we should all be thankful, because the only reason for leadership is to convince people to do things that are either dangerous (like invading another country) or stupid (working extra hard without extra pay).

Great minds don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions.

Good ideas have no value because the world already has too many of them. The market rewards execution, not ideas.