There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.

I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer's cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw.

Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier.

I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.

The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.

Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.