The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.

I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.

I've always defined myself not as a cartoonist , but as an entrepreneur. That was true before I tried cartooning. I always imagined cartooning would be how I got my seed capital. I always thought my other businesses would be the less dominant part of my life.

You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.

Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding.

I'm not happy on vacation. In those rare times when I have three hours with no work I have to do, I'm terribly uncomfortable.