The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.

Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness.

Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.

The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day

Methods for predicting the future: 1) read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls . . . collectively known as "nutty methods;" 2) put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer . . . commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time."

When times are bad, the gloves come off and employers are less nice. People become disposable.

I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, 'You know, I'm the only person in this restaurant who can't draw.'