I calculated the total time that humans have waited for web pages to load. It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age. Sometimes I think the web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society.

Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there's no limit to what you can achieve.

If free will exists, why do the tallest candidates with the best hair usually win elections ?

Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment.

We know the goats are imported because they don't speak English.

Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.