Remember, freedom is always taken, never given.

I can't bring myself to believe in a God with a personality like my own. I base that on the paucity of lightning attacks on people who deserve it.

My investments have been hurt.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

No matter how many times I visit New York City, I am always struck by the same thing - a yellow taxicab.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

If you haven't already told your kids 'don't fellate the president' then you're probably a bad parent.