I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.

I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.

If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.

A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.

Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.