Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.

I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.

The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone who is capable of significant change; that sort of person exists only in our imaginations.

If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.