Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment.

Stem cells are like toenail clippings with a better career plan.

I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.

In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.

There's no such thing as good ideas and bad ideas. There are only your own ideas and other people's. If you want someone to like your idea, tell him he said it first last week and you just remembered it.

I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?