People come up to me and they thank me: 'I thank you for the many, many hours of laughter.'

The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

If you listen to a language for 15 minutes, you know the rhythm and song.

When I did comedy I made fun of myself. If there was a buffoon, I played the buffoon. And people looked at me and said, "Gee, that's like Uncle David", or "That's like a friend of mine.". And they related through that. I didn't make fun of them. I made fun of me.

A great NOW will be a great WAS! A bad NOW will always be a bad WAS, and all you can hope for is a Great GONNA BE!

Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.

If I don't believe it, I don't care.