The things I see now on TV and in movies are so outlandish. Kids doing rude things with pies! And the language that they use! It's being outrageous for the sake of being outrageous. I can't watch it. It turns me off.

The things I see now on TV and in movies are so outlandish. Kids doing rude things with pies! And the language that they use! It's being outrageous for the sake of being outrageous. I can't watch it. It turns me off.

Jazz is a beautiful woman whose older brother is a policeman.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.

In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed.

When I did comedy I made fun of myself. If there was a buffoon, I played the buffoon. And people looked at me and said, "Gee, that's like Uncle David", or "That's like a friend of mine.". And they related through that. I didn't make fun of them. I made fun of me.

After all those years of doing a live, hour-and-a-half show every week, I've got nothing more I need to prove.