Fish deserve to be caught for they are lazy. Two million years of evolution and they still haven't got out of the water.

I remember when I posed as a customs officer so that I could meet Oscar Wilde. I said to him "Have you anything to declare?" He said "I have nothing to declare but my genius." I said "I'll put that down as nothing then shall I?" For I am the wittiest man on Earth.

What do you get the man who has everything? Might I suggest a gravestone inscribed with the words: so what?

Fish deserve to be caught for they are lazy. Two million years of evolution and they still haven't got out of the water.

The truly beautiful are often abused for apparent ugliness just as those with great vision often bump into things.

When you look in the mirror and despair and none of your clothes seem appropriate, relax, put the kettle on. It might suit you.

Like bees around honey. Why are bees so attracted to honey, since they make it? It can only be vanity.