I remember when I posed as a customs officer so that I could meet Oscar Wilde. I said to him "Have you anything to declare?" He said "I have nothing to declare but my genius." I said "I'll put that down as nothing then shall I?" For I am the wittiest man on Earth.
Simon MunneryIt is the vanity of women to spend hours in front of the mirror. It is the vanity of men not to bother.
Simon MunneryLike many supermodels, I won't get out of bed for less than £3000. Unlike many supermodels, I don't get out of bed very often.
Simon Munnery