He who disagrees with me in private, call him a fool. He who disagrees with me in public, call him an ambulance.

It is the vanity of women to spend hours in front of the mirror. It is the vanity of men not to bother.

The truly beautiful are often abused for apparent ugliness just as those with great vision often bump into things.

I wear glasses myself. As an affectation, as a badge of high intellect and to see with.

I've got nothing against any individual American, except that there aren't any. They're always Irish-American, African-American... There's never an American-American you can blame.

Although no man is an island, you can make quite an effective raft out of six.

Life is like a musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Very popular and not as bad as some would have you believe. That is, unspeakably awful but mercifully brief.