I don't worry about losing my looks. It's finding them on someone else that worries me.

Like many supermodels, I won't get out of bed for less than £3000. Unlike many supermodels, I don't get out of bed very often.

All men are brothers. Hence war.

I don't worry about losing my looks. It's finding them on someone else that worries me.

Life is like a musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Very popular and not as bad as some would have you believe. That is, unspeakably awful but mercifully brief.

Fish deserve to be caught for they are lazy. Two million years of evolution and they still haven't got out of the water.

I remember when I posed as a customs officer so that I could meet Oscar Wilde. I said to him "Have you anything to declare?" He said "I have nothing to declare but my genius." I said "I'll put that down as nothing then shall I?" For I am the wittiest man on Earth.