How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
I'm a hero wid coward's legs, I'm a hero from the waist up.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.