Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

On the Ning Nang Nong Where the Cows go Bong! And the Monkeys all say Boo! Theres a Nang Nong Ning Where the trees go Ping! And the tea pots Jibber Jabber Joo On the Nong Ning Nang All the Mice go Clang! And you just cant catch em when they do! So its Ning Nang Nong! Cows go Bong! Nong Nang Ning! Trees go Ping! Nong Ning Nang! The mice go Clang! What a noisy place to belong,Is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!

My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!