I told you I was sick.

Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

I'm Irish. We think sideways