In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.

If I don't eat soon, I'll die of hunger; and if I die, I won't eat soon.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

We don't have anything planned, so nothing can go wrong.

In the human race today, you came last.

I'm Irish. We think sideways