In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!

If I don't eat soon, I'll die of hunger; and if I die, I won't eat soon.

Its all in the mind, you know.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.