The entire future of marriage rests with Justice Anthony Kennedy, the man who declared in Citizens United that corporations are people with constitutional rights. I just hope he doesn't do anything rash, like declare that homosexuals are people with constitutional rights.
Stephen ColbertCan accidentally eating halal food make you Muslim? Yes, the same way drinking a cosmo can make you gay.
Stephen ColbertYou can change the world. Please don't do that, OK? Some of us like the way things are going now.
Stephen ColbertWikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.
Stephen ColbertIt's clear that when we're this outnumbered by the creatures, we have to take a page from the British Empire and rule the lesser species through intimidation. That's why the single most important thing you can do as a human is to dominate an animal. Need more proof?Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground. I'd say that about covers it.
Stephen Colbert