Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.

Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.

Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.

Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.

I may not agree with what you have to say but I will fight you to the death for the right to fight you to the death.

Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.

Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics.