Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?

Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty.

Can accidentally eating halal food make you Muslim? Yes, the same way drinking a cosmo can make you gay.

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.

Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.

Last night, we did the Threatdown -- God, it's hard to even talk about this -- and for the first time, I didn't mention bears. It's winter, they're asleep, I didn't think it would be a problem. But today I see this in the Toronto Globe and Mail -- apparently a 700-pound polar bear showed up at a children's hockey game. I've said this before, they're after our kids -- they're tender, juicy, you don't even have to throw away the bones.

The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun