Cynics always say no. Saying yes leads to knowledge. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes.

Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.

If someone does offer you a job, say 'yes.' You can always quit later. Then at least you'll be one of the unemployed as opposed to one of the never-employed. Nothing looks worse on a resume than nothing.

Leaving religious texts open too interpretation is the downfall of religion itself. If it is truly the word of God then there is no room for interpretation; you either take all of it or none. There is no selective belief

No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.

I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview "wrong."

Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it?