I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
Stephen ColbertI believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
Stephen ColbertWhen the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
Stephen ColbertI'm proud of my ability to understand what somebody else is trying to do and help them achieve it, because part of the aesthetic of improvisation is service. You never say no. Serve the servant, follow the follower. And that's very valuable in your life, as well as very valuable in your actor's work. I'm damn proud of my ability to help other people achieve their ideas.
Stephen Colbert