I did learn something interesting [while at the Atlanta airport]. You have to be a member of the TSA in order to legally perform a cavity search. My apologies to the staff of Cinnabon, but you guys should really keep that extra frosting where the customers can find it.

Speak from the balls, not from the diaphram.

I actually do not think that's how what's happening to our government is going to be stopped. I think people who are willing to be civically engaged and believe in the promises and the progress of the last fifty years that will save this country.

John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody's compensating for his small government.

If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.

Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.

Used books are the sluts of the literary world. Passed around from person to person, spreading their pages for anyone, getting cheaper and cheaper until eventually they end up in prison.