And my daughter said, 'Why are you yelling at us?' and I said, 'I'm trying to discipline you!' And then she looked up at me with her tear-stained eyes and said, 'This is how you teach children, by making them cry.' And it was such a clenching reminder - she won not only the argument, but she won life with that statement. I just burst out laughing, and I think they were so surprised that I burst out laughing, that they did too.

I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.

If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding.

I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.

Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!

If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.

I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?