Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!

The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.

When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.

In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.

Yesterday in a 25 to 24 vote, Republicans welcomed back Lott back into their leadership and named him minority whip. That is great for Trent. They say minority whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard.

Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.

As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!