it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.

Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion.

I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.

If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.

If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.

Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.