Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote.
Stephen ColbertIf Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.
Stephen ColbertNow you'll have to wait for hours in line for medical care instead of immediately not getting any.
Stephen ColbertScientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Stephen Colbert