it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.

If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.

‎You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner!

Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.

Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes'.

The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun

I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview "wrong."