Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.

There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.

I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.'

They think I'm silly. I do silly things. I fall down and run into things. I talk to inanimate objects. I'll hold a pickup stick to my ear and say, "What? What's that? I can't hear you

There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.