Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he's a high school junior.

If poor people want food stamps, they should become massive corporations.

Arby's: If I was about to be killed, I would eat it.

I did learn something interesting [while at the Atlanta airport]. You have to be a member of the TSA in order to legally perform a cavity search. My apologies to the staff of Cinnabon, but you guys should really keep that extra frosting where the customers can find it.

You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut.

Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.

Evil exists because of the disobedience of Satan. God gave Satan, and the angels, and man free will. Satan used his free will and abused it by not obeying authority. Hell was created by Satan’s disobedience to God, and his purposeful removal from God’s love—which is what hell is. Removing yourself from God’s love. You send yourself to hell. God does not send you there.