Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he's a high school junior.

I didn't realize quite how liberal I was until I was asked to make passionate comedic choices as opposed to necessarily successful comedic choices.

Turn up your hearing aid 'Grandpa', because I'm only going to say this once!

I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.

I deliver my Truth hot and hard.

Take it from me, there's nothing like a job well done, except the quiet enveloping darkness at the bottom of a bottle of Jim Beam after a job done any way at all.

I'm just very interested in what my guests have to say. You have to be vigilant to stay ignorant.