Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he's a high school junior.

It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.

We have no desire to make anybody look like a blithering idiot, but we do love it when they do.

To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.

Researchers from Britain's Keele University have found that swearing after an injury may help alleviate pain. Evidently, the pain that you feel is inversely proportional to the number of middle names you give Jesus.

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote.