Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he's a high school junior.

Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.

Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.

Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.

And we didn't have cell phones. If you made plans to meet someone in a snow storm, and they didn't show up, you just had to assume they were devoured by wolves and go on with your life.

Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.