If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!

Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. What?s wrong with red, white and blue, USA Today? This rainbow weather map is just another example of the homometerological agenda.

I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.

I’m the frosting on America’s cake, and tonight I’m willing to let you lick the bowl.

And though I am a committed Christian, I believe everyone has the right to their own religion - be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?

Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that's going to make me seem kind of gay.