I'm just very interested in what my guests have to say. You have to be vigilant to stay ignorant.

The entire future of marriage rests with Justice Anthony Kennedy, the man who declared in Citizens United that corporations are people with constitutional rights. I just hope he doesn't do anything rash, like declare that homosexuals are people with constitutional rights.

I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

I thought Black Friday was when everyone puts on blackface and steals children from Wal-Mart.

If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.

Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.

Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old.