If I had free time to go to Los Angeles to shoot a movie, I would rather spend it with my kids.

Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.

The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.

Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.

Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.

I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.

It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.