Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.

There is no food closer to my heart than cheese. In fact, according to my doctor, it has nearly filled my aorta.

John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody's compensating for his small government.

Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.

I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.

President Bush has embarked on an eight-day tour of the continent. He hopes this one goes better than the other ones he's made recently. Obviously he's not doing that well in North America [on screen: '36% Approval'], his South American trip had a few bumps [on screen: 'Angry mobs of torch-carrying bumps'], Europe seems to think the president doesn't care what they think, but hey, who cares what they think? They could at least thank him for what he's done for their burning effigy industry.

Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.