I thought Black Friday was when everyone puts on blackface and steals children from Wal-Mart.

(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock

There hasn't been a scandal this big at the C.I.A. since (CLASSIFIED) committed (CENSORED) to (REDACTED).

If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.

Agnostics are just atheists without balls.

Republicans will need to work hard to capture the Latino vote instead of their current strategy of capturing Latinos.

If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!