After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!

Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.

We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.

Opinions are like demo tapes. I don't want to hear yours

If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.

I'm a junkie for exhaustion, and I'm a junkie for setting up my expectations too high and then trying to meet them.