It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.

When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around with a quitter.

Can accidentally eating halal food make you Muslim? Yes, the same way drinking a cosmo can make you gay.

Oops! I always thought PETA stood for Please Eat This Animal.

Arby's: If I was about to be killed, I would eat it.

Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Or, as it's known to Native Americans - Sarcastic You're Welcomesgiving.