Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?

People would say, "Oh, you say you just do jokes." I don't just do jokes. I do jokes. Jokes are important. They saved my life when I was younger. Hopefully we're making things nicer at the end of the day for people. That's the entire goal, and that's the touchstone and the North Star for the tone.

There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.

My mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when I was a kid, because she and I are very close.

There's a buzz to failing and not dying.

Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.

I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.