Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.

I don't know a lot about politics. I like talking about human behavior. Politicians are funny to me because they often say one thing and behave a different way.

Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.

The goal is to have fun with my friends.And that means sometimes talking about things that you care about.

Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.

Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!

America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.