I love making observations. That one is a classic example.

The entire future of marriage rests with Justice Anthony Kennedy, the man who declared in Citizens United that corporations are people with constitutional rights. I just hope he doesn't do anything rash, like declare that homosexuals are people with constitutional rights.

Usually when Donald Trump wants to keep someone out of military service, he just fakes a doctor's note saying he has a foot injury. It worked fine for him during Vietnam.

You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.

I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.

Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that's going to make me seem kind of gay.

Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.