I love being onstage. I love the relationship with the audience. I love the letting go, the sense of discovery, the improvising.

I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that.

Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.

Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate.

Warning, I may contain more than a trace amount of nut.

I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of black and wanted to share his misery with you.

Turn up your hearing aid 'Grandpa', because I'm only going to say this once!