I love being onstage. I love the relationship with the audience. I love the letting go, the sense of discovery, the improvising.

After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.

If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.

Apply Truth liberally to the inflamed area.

Twenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?" - Stephen Colbert to Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones, "The Colbert Report," November 3, 2005

Corporations have free speech, but they can't speak like you and me. They don't have mouths or hands.

I don't know a lot about politics. I like talking about human behavior. Politicians are funny to me because they often say one thing and behave a different way.