If I ever succumbed to the demon on my shoulder going, "You should get something special because you're famous," that is the moment that my behavior will be caught on social media for all time. I'm even afraid to use it to get a reservation. This is the person who will tweet, "Can you believe what this a-hole did?"

Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.

If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.

A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.

A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?

Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.

No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.